Death would be a welcome distraction from this emptiness that's gnawing on my heart. I wish it would end as easily as I left. I left her behind cause she wouldn't love me and thus, I do not feel love. It's nights like this when I wish I was one who needed nobody. Cause I keep getting dissappointed time and time again. Maybe it was all me maybe she couldn't love me cause I'm not capable oif being loved. Destroyed and damaged. SOmetimes it feels like poison and maybe if I could expell it out of my system it would be gone. But it lingers like cancer. Night like this it debilitates me and leaves me in tears wishing I never felt. For all the love in the world doesn't seem worth this pain. Is love just a stupid cruel joke? God loves me cause I give him comic relief. I keep him in stiches as I stumble into pratfall after pratfall. I am convinced that not only does she not love me now she never did. I am convinced that I was a distraction for her pain and I am also convinced that I'd be no good for anyone. Somebody please make it stop I don't want to go back to the hell I clawed my way out of I don't want to feel alone can't you see that I am scared? Is it wrong for a grown man to be afraid of the emptiness that is sucking the life right out of his veins? is there anyone who actually hears what I am saying? Doesn't anybody care?