angelofmusic07 (angelofmusic07) wrote in mypainexposed,
angelofmusic07
angelofmusic07
mypainexposed

havent posted here in awhile...hope everyone is doing okay

ive been having some moments these past couple of days..but i just let them pass through, i havent been cutting since my breakdown so thats good..i have had urges but i resisted...however last night i was talking to my mom about the whole divorce thing and we were talking about my dad and stuff..and something triggered and its so weird (for those of you w/ ptsd maybe uve felt this before) but i all of a sudden got this feeling like i was 14 years old again...scared to death, it wasnt a flashback..it wasnt a panic attack..it was just a feeling of being 14 years old again.....i felt exactly how i felt on that day right after he beat me up...it was horrible, it literally felt like it just happened to me and i was scared shitless and i felt so helpless and scared....this moment lasted for about an hour....i was trying to cry but nothing came out, i was walking around not knowing what to do trying to keep busy when all the while my mind and body were both so tense and i was on high alert and the weirdest thing is: my dad doesnt even live with me anymore!!!!!! the divorce is still going on...its been going on for more than a year now....and its horrible, i wish my dad would just settle already and not be so demanding and wanting to drag this on forever....its hurting my mother and its hurting me and its hurting my sister....

anyway, i dont know what that feeling was, ive gotten spurts of it before but it never lasted that long...it finally died down when i decided to take a ride to my friend's house...just the driving itself kind of brought back my mind to the here and now...

has anyone ever felt that before?
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