angelofmusic07 (angelofmusic07) wrote in mypainexposed,
angelofmusic07
angelofmusic07
mypainexposed

these arguments with my mom has to stop...

i am not perfect, there are things i do in the house to help and there are things that i forget to do..when i forget to do things its not an attack against her...i dont purposefully forget them, i just forget sometimes..and when i forget she hounds on me...then i hound back..then we start screaming, then she tells me to get out...im telling u its a vicious cycle..

there is some validity to her criticism about not doing as much in the house...but its not like i dont do anything...i cook and i run her errands whenever she asks me...when i remember i bring the garbage cans in...i do my own dishes...when asked i change the load in the laundry...so its not like i never do anything....i admit i forget alot, but thats because im not perfect and from time to time im gonna forget to do a couple things...

i am trying as best as i can to do my share...but its like everytime i forget to do something or i dont think of something...it could be one thing or it could be a couple of things...she will get disappointed...and she will criticize me for it...this just discourages me even more...i mean who wants to do anything when the person you do it for is just constantly criticizing you? and when it comes to the things you DO...its not regarded as much as the negative...i mean this would drive any person nuts....

and then whats worse...is that she compares my moods and my temper to my father's....this is inaccurate and heres why...

1. I never look for things to have a tantrum about..i dont blow up over nothing.
2. When i do blow up..i never get physical with anyone...the most damage i have done was break a door from slamming it too hard but thats better than breaking a person right? and its not like i break something everytime..the breaking the door incident was a one time thing..
3. I never directly curse at anyone..when i do curse its not to the person..i just say *every fucking time* *this fucking sucks* *this is fucking ridiculous* *goddammit just leave me alone* one time i said *just leave me the fuck alone* but i never called her any bad words..ever.
4. When I do yell..its a defense mechanism used when someone is yelling at me first...i mean its human nature..when someone yells at you, you are gonna yell back...when someone is putting you down..you are gonna say *fuck this* and walk away...no one wants to sit there while they are being ciriticized and not being able to say anything..i mean thats a shitty position to be in...

In her criticisms about not doing as much..there is some accuracy to it, i admit it...and i will make it better..but i can never be on top of things 24/7 all the time every second..i just cant..no one can...because no one is perfect...there are gonna be times when i walk right by a sink w/ dishes in it not thinking anything of it..and there are gonna be times when i walk by a sink of dishes and say *oh there are dishes in the sink..im going to rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher* but for the things i forget to do...the things i remember will make up for them..i might forget to unload the dishwasher but i remembered to change the load in the laundry room..you know, stuff like that...

i was going to tell her all of this when i got back from the hair salon but my sister was over..and they were on their way out...when i walked in i saw my acceptance packet to penn state...i felt good and proud of myself..i was sitting on the bench in the foyer reading my stuff when my mom came down...she didnt even look at me, i said *i got accepted to psu* and she just replied with a cold *i know* and didnt say anything more...

i am glad and proud i got accepted..i am transferring there from hartford...at first it hurt me the way she responded but then i figured *im proud of myself...thats what really counts*

ok well..when she gets back i am going to tell her everything i wrote in here...hopefully things will go smoothly...i understand where she is coming from about what she is upset about..hopefully she can try and understand me...
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Comments allowed for members only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic
  • 3 comments